You can learn to build an airplane from a book, but can you learn to date from one?

I am picky when it comes to men. I admit it. I've rejected guys for important reasons like never wanting kids, and for silly reasons like wearing pants that unzip into shorts on our first date (we were not going hiking).
Last week I was asked out on a date by a man with both ears and his nose pierced. "No, I would NEVER date someone like that", I exclaimed to our receptionist once we were out of earshot. Her response? "Piercings are removable..He might be a great guy."
*Gulp*...she had a point. I tried to argue that a person who would get those things pierced had a certain type of personality that probably also involved tattoos, motorcycles, an attraction to dangerous situations...but she just looked at me with all the wisdom of her 42 year old self and said "I think you need to read Marry Him". I googled it as soon as I got back to my desk Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. I ordered a copy making sure to mark it as a gift (otherwise next thing you know my suggested reading will include 'Don't Kill Yourself, There's Still Hope!' and 'Caring for Your 5 Cats: How to Make Sure Skittles Doesn't Feel Left Out').

It got me thinking about the other dating books I've read over the years. First, there was the classic -The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, followed by the popular He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, and in my senior year of college, the very appropriately gifted Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. And of course, the male equivalent of a dating book -The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.

First, The Rules:Yes, it's a little old fashioned. It was written in the 90's when people still gave out their home phone number, wore pantyhose, placed personal ads in a newspaper, and had an egg timer in the kitchen. But the advice is sound. If you make it easy for him, he'll date you because it's convenient, not because he's crazy about you. Better to be hard to get and weed out the guys who aren't serious. 
Key points from the book: 

#1 - Be busy. Have your own life and keep it even after you get into a relationship. If you don't have a date for Friday or Saturday night, make other plans! Go out with your girlfriends, spend time with your family, do something you enjoy. 

#2 - Don't accept a last minute date. If you're the kind of girl he can have on 5 minute notice, he'll treat you like one. Think about it: if he's calling you at the last second he might be bored or maybe his friend or date cancelled, not because he really wants to see you.

#3 - Don't call him. Don't ask him out. If you make it easy, he'll go out with you because it doesn't require much effort. But then one day he's going to realize he doesn't really love you and you're going to get hurt.

Next, He's Just Not That Into You. Yes, some of this is pretty straightforward. Well of course if he's not calling he's just not that into me... But it's SO easy when you meet a guy you really like to make excuses. "O he has a big trial this week", "O his mom is in town", etc... My personal favorite quote from the book, "I hate to tell you, but that whole 'I don't want to ruin the friendship' excuse is a racket." Boy do I wish I had this book when I was a teenager... 

When my friends come to me for boy advice I remind them it takes less than 10 seconds to write a text that says "Thinking of you :)" and hit the send button. And when that doesn't work, I give them my copy of this book. If he likes you and wants to ask you out, he will. Period. End of story.


Next, Why Men Love Bitches. The book should have been called Why Men Love Strong Independent Women (her use of the word bitch is very liberal). The "attraction principles" are pretty simple: the less interested you are in him, the more interested he'll be in you. Men view being too nice or trying too hard as signs of weakness and they won't respect you. So if you put yourself first, don't get into a situation where you need him, and don't do nice things for him, he'll follow you around like a puppy.
Manipulative? Yes. Effective? Yes. Worth a read, but probably won't result in the type of healthy partnership most of us are looking for.


And finally, The Game. Not only is this book enormously entertaining, but it has helped me avoid the creepers at bars by recognizing when someone is trying to use the techniques from this book on me.
PUAs (pick-up artists) use a series of very calculated tips & tricks to get the number close, the kiss close, and ultimately, sex (after which they will most definitely not call you).
My personal favorite: the neg. It's a gentle put down to make a woman feel insecure and thus feel like she needs to win the man's approval. "It's so funny the way your nose wiggles when you talk!" *pause while you wait for her to be slightly offended* "No no, it's cute!"
Other ways to spot a game reader: he's peacocking (wearing something attention getting), asks if you want to see a magic trick, and/or approaches you with some crazy story about a friend who has a problem he could use your advice on.
I've seen this work, but men of the world, consider this a warning: we're onto your game.