The Compassionate Instinct is actually a collection of essays from the magazine Greater Good which despite being in Berkeley, I had no idea existed. I may actually start reading it based on this book. The writings together take a really interesting look at human compassion (also known as positive psychology to those in the academic world) in all of its forms. The book begins in section one: The Scientific Roots of Human Goodness, with the question of how to define compassion, how we display it, and whether or not it can be taught. This part of the book mostly talks about case studies in monkeys/apes/chimps and any other primates human beings evolved from. For the 40% of you who don't believe in evolution, you might want to skip this part. Although noticeably absent is a creationism chapter on why God might have created some humans with so little compassion....volume 2 maybe?
The second section of the book attempts to address how to cultivate compassion with people we interact with, specifically those we have complex relationships with such as spouses/partners, family, and coworkers.
The essays in this section I felt were a little bit scattered, perhaps just ordered poorly, and I felt that the story was not as cohesive as in section 1. I really enjoyed some of them, particularly, given my current situation, Are You a Jerk at Work? and Compassion Across Cubicles, and others, like Stumbling Towards Gratitude and The Choice to Forgive left me inspired. On the other hand, Paul Ekman's conversation with his daughter about trust was boring. Feel free to skim it but if you don't read it I don't think you'll be missing anything.
Finally, in the last section, they broaden the scale to society as a whole. Again, the essays were a tad disjointed and particularly those on heros felt out of place. However, the first 4 are without a doubt the highlights of the book and the lessons have stuck with me all week.
If everyone read this book, the world would be a more compassionate place. So here's my contribution to a better world: read it.
Made to Stick: Some things stay in our mind forever. I can still recall the way my high school science professor Mark Stefanski ended each class* but I can't remember the Spanish word for clam. Companies spend millions trying to create a memorable brand, a memorable ad campaign, etc... yet we rarely recall the billboards we pass on the highway. Enter this book. If you're looking for the tell-all secret handbook on how to create a winning message, you're not going to find it here. What you will find are suggestions on how to make your message simple, credible, concrete, emotional, unexpected, and some other adjectives I already forgot (irony at its finest). Teachers share tips like "make it a mystery that the class unravels with you", ask questions in an "imagine if you..." way. CEOs of corporations and head military officials offer suggestions on creating a one liner that defines your objectives so that all decision making will lead to the same goal.
Is this a little bit fluffy? Yes, yes it is. But I actually think it could be helpful and I definitely recommend it. Of course, even the best, stickiest message won't stick if no one sees it or understands it. I'm talking to you crazy homeless guy with the sign in Wingdings...
* For those interested, here's how he ended each and every science class: "Be good to yourselves, be good to those around you. Go forth and multiply your knowledge and understanding, but keep your DNA to yourself, at least for the time being."
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Why Men Marry Bitches - Sherry Argov
From the manipulative mastermind behind Why Men Love Bitches comes this equally manipulative sequel, Why Men Marry Bitches. In the book's defense, the goal is noble: be a woman a man can respect. Their methods...not so much.
Let's say your boyfriend, who normally calls at 5:44 when he gets on the train after work, doesn't call you one day. Logical conclusion: he had to work late, his phone battery died, he ran into an old friend on the train, etc... The book's conclusion: he's losing interest! Sound the alarms! You need to take drastic action and NOW. Don't answer the phone or call him back next time he tries to call you. According to the book, "this keeps the relationship reciprocal and balanced." Really? I'm no expert but if you're feeling that insecure about his interest in you, your relationship has bigger problems.
Another gem from the book: feel free to invite him over for dinner, but just reheat the leftover chinese food from your date the night before. According to the book, this shows you don't feel the need to "overcompensate"and will earn a man's respect. Next time you invite a friend over for dinner why don't you try serving them your leftover takeout and see what they say. Your date might not say anything out of politeness, but your friend will. That's just gross.
And finally, if he brings up marriage, don't act like it's something you want, he's only testing you. Be sure to brush it off with a "no thanks, not on my radar." Again, really? Maybe it's the men I've been meeting lately, but they all have 5 year plans that involve getting married. They're not asking to see how desperate I am (as the book assumes), they're asking because they don't want to waste their time either.
Am I living in a fantasy land where people are actually honest about their feelings? Or is this book just assuming that all men are deceitful players who are only interested in trying to get us into bed, and it's up to us to outsmart them with our bitchy trickery that will make them want to marry us?
Not to be too harsh, there's some good advice in here too. But if it's an honest, equal partnership you're after, skip the games and stick to The Rules.
Let's say your boyfriend, who normally calls at 5:44 when he gets on the train after work, doesn't call you one day. Logical conclusion: he had to work late, his phone battery died, he ran into an old friend on the train, etc... The book's conclusion: he's losing interest! Sound the alarms! You need to take drastic action and NOW. Don't answer the phone or call him back next time he tries to call you. According to the book, "this keeps the relationship reciprocal and balanced." Really? I'm no expert but if you're feeling that insecure about his interest in you, your relationship has bigger problems.
Another gem from the book: feel free to invite him over for dinner, but just reheat the leftover chinese food from your date the night before. According to the book, this shows you don't feel the need to "overcompensate"and will earn a man's respect. Next time you invite a friend over for dinner why don't you try serving them your leftover takeout and see what they say. Your date might not say anything out of politeness, but your friend will. That's just gross.
And finally, if he brings up marriage, don't act like it's something you want, he's only testing you. Be sure to brush it off with a "no thanks, not on my radar." Again, really? Maybe it's the men I've been meeting lately, but they all have 5 year plans that involve getting married. They're not asking to see how desperate I am (as the book assumes), they're asking because they don't want to waste their time either.
Am I living in a fantasy land where people are actually honest about their feelings? Or is this book just assuming that all men are deceitful players who are only interested in trying to get us into bed, and it's up to us to outsmart them with our bitchy trickery that will make them want to marry us?
Not to be too harsh, there's some good advice in here too. But if it's an honest, equal partnership you're after, skip the games and stick to The Rules.
A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
Things I would have appreciated if they had included with this book:
The book takes us to Afghanistan in the 1960's, to a 5 year old girl named Mariam, the illegitimate daughter of a wealthy man, who lives with her mother in a shed. I hesitate to give too much plot away, but imagine all of the terrible things that could happen in your life, and that's Mariam's side of the story.
Midway through the book we meet our second protagonist, Laila, whose world is shattered when all of the terrible things you can imagine also happen to her. For a while I wondered about the connection between the two women, as it was unclear if they would ever relate. Finally, in part 3 of the book the two women's stories converge when they find themselves married to the same (much older) man, who predictably, is also terrible.
If it seems like I'm making light of it, I am a little bit. But only because even thinking about some of things that happen in this book makes me nauseous. Mariam and Laila suffer unimaginable tragedy and experience grief that I can only hope I never have to face. And yet, they remain strong and find a way to carry on with their lives.
It's an intense read that gives us a perspective on modern day Afghanistan and its violent history most of us prefer not to think about. I bulldozed through it in the hopes of "ripping it off like a bandaid" which failed pretty miserably. It's no less upsetting no matter what your reading speed so I can only suggest that if you want to read the book, be sure to wear waterproof mascara, carry a box of tissues, and don't forget the Prozac.
- A box of tissues
- Waterproof mascara
- Prozac
The book takes us to Afghanistan in the 1960's, to a 5 year old girl named Mariam, the illegitimate daughter of a wealthy man, who lives with her mother in a shed. I hesitate to give too much plot away, but imagine all of the terrible things that could happen in your life, and that's Mariam's side of the story.
Midway through the book we meet our second protagonist, Laila, whose world is shattered when all of the terrible things you can imagine also happen to her. For a while I wondered about the connection between the two women, as it was unclear if they would ever relate. Finally, in part 3 of the book the two women's stories converge when they find themselves married to the same (much older) man, who predictably, is also terrible.
If it seems like I'm making light of it, I am a little bit. But only because even thinking about some of things that happen in this book makes me nauseous. Mariam and Laila suffer unimaginable tragedy and experience grief that I can only hope I never have to face. And yet, they remain strong and find a way to carry on with their lives.
It's an intense read that gives us a perspective on modern day Afghanistan and its violent history most of us prefer not to think about. I bulldozed through it in the hopes of "ripping it off like a bandaid" which failed pretty miserably. It's no less upsetting no matter what your reading speed so I can only suggest that if you want to read the book, be sure to wear waterproof mascara, carry a box of tissues, and don't forget the Prozac.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Fool's Errand - Louis Bayard
A note to librarians: if the plot is romance, the book belongs in the romance section. Just because the characters are gay does not make the book real literature.
Now that we got that out of the way, onto the book review: It sucked. Seriously, this book was about as original as a Jennifer Aniston movie. Our main character, Patrick, goes to a house party with his boyfriend even though he's super tired. He goes upstairs to take a nap and encounters his "perfect man", except that he might have been dreaming at the time. Shortly thereafter, his boyfriend breaks up with him for someone named Ted, and Patrick goes on the hunt to find Mr. Perfect. Ted's ex-boyfriend takes an interest in helping Patrick find him, and they spend a huge amount of time together, at the end of which they fall in love. *Groan*. Actually now that I think about it, if this were a movie Katherine Heigl would probably star in it. Reminds me a lot of that one with her and Gerard Butler... (Quick Google search: The Ugly Truth.)
But back to the book. I did think the characters were believable and the dialogue was witty, but 486 pages?! I need more than that. Give me some substance, some action! If this had been 200 pages I would have considered it perfect light beach reading. At its current length, I think I got more use out of it for bicep curls.
Verdict: Skip it. You're better off watching whatever's on Lifetime.
Now that we got that out of the way, onto the book review: It sucked. Seriously, this book was about as original as a Jennifer Aniston movie. Our main character, Patrick, goes to a house party with his boyfriend even though he's super tired. He goes upstairs to take a nap and encounters his "perfect man", except that he might have been dreaming at the time. Shortly thereafter, his boyfriend breaks up with him for someone named Ted, and Patrick goes on the hunt to find Mr. Perfect. Ted's ex-boyfriend takes an interest in helping Patrick find him, and they spend a huge amount of time together, at the end of which they fall in love. *Groan*. Actually now that I think about it, if this were a movie Katherine Heigl would probably star in it. Reminds me a lot of that one with her and Gerard Butler... (Quick Google search: The Ugly Truth.)
But back to the book. I did think the characters were believable and the dialogue was witty, but 486 pages?! I need more than that. Give me some substance, some action! If this had been 200 pages I would have considered it perfect light beach reading. At its current length, I think I got more use out of it for bicep curls.
Verdict: Skip it. You're better off watching whatever's on Lifetime.
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